Odemon #365

“All hail the Walrus! May his Walrein last long!”
Walrein pulled himself down the line of Spheal and Sealeo, who cheered for him. They all used Hail and caused it to begin hailing, thereby hailing the Walrein.
HAHA PUNS

-Odemon #365 Walrein

This month’s new profile is… a rerun?? How about just some end-of-year plans instead?

Okay so this is hilarious and dumb. This month I was going to post a new species profile for Help Blocks. They’re not really a species but as a special type of robot I figured I would detail them. After I put it up for Patreon–$3+ patrons get to read those things early–I realized… I already had a profile page up for them! Somehow I’d missed that and typed them in as still needing one! I didn’t realize this until after writing a new one, but the new one was better so I put that up, so it’s still new in a way! (That said, it appears to have not been added to the Species page, so… what am I even doing????? Did I never make it public? Did I just not add it to that page? My head hurts. Moving on.)

So anyway you might be wondering why the font is different. WELL. WordPress used to not carry the font over from word documents, where I copy chapters and stories from, but it did take other formatting such as italics. Well now it takes the font, so either I have to start using the font I use in word documents (Corbel) or remove the font every time I post a new chapter. So this is my way of saying, hey, guess what, you’re going to start reading everything in Corbel! Uh, let me know if it’s worse. It seems kind of thinner, but that might be because it’s sans-serif, and I’ve read that it’s easier to read sans-serif on computer screens than serif anyway. Maybe at some point I’ll get around to updating older pages with the font change, and I really should because it’ll look bad being different at places, I wonder actually if there’s a way to just set it to automatically make everything the same font, in fact let me look right now… Okay it looks like there might be but it doesn’t have Corbel so bleah. To do so otherwise might be to dig through code and let me be honest I would rather brute force it than mess with code. My head hurts enough as it is.

SO. ANYWAY. I said I was going to discuss plans for the rest of the year! November 1st is not a new Wandering Fortunes chapter, but instead I’ll be posting a new short story! We’ll be visit some old friends, or enemies, or acquaintances, or something. It’s sad and lonely and lava. Should be fun! Then, in December, an intermission for Wandering Fortunes. It’s not a full chapter, and in fact it’s really short, so the end of the year might be a bit light on content, but on the flipside I’m hoping to have another one of those Top! Interruptus! scene thingies. The Wandering Fortunes intermission will actually go up on Patreon November 1st, a month early–with this, I’m going to start putting chapters up a full month early instead of half a month, so patrons get an even better bonus! (I’m also considering rearranging some rewards, but more on that when I get to it.)

Anyway, that’s about that. Might also have a small chance of a preview for another project before the year’s end, but honestly, don’t hold your breath, it’s had quite a few snags along the way–but I’m really hoping to have at least a preview by February, the one-year anniversary of Darmenzi‘s full release…

Odemon #498

“Achoo!”
Tepig sat on his bed, black smoke billowing from his nostrils.
“Do you need a tissue?” Pansear held up a tissue for Tepig. The sick Fire Pig Pokemon sneezed again, and the tissue burnt away from the embers.
“Hey, some embers!” Pansear said. “You must be getting better!”

-Odemon #498 Tepig

Odemon #329

Vibrava faced off against a Ribombee. It was not good type-wise for the Vibration Pokemon.
“Vibrava! Use Acid!” his trainer said.
“What? I can’t use Acid,” Vibrava said.
“Oh yeah?” The trainer pulled out their Pokedex. “It says right here that ‘After making its prey faint, it melts the prey with acid.” So use Acid!”
Vibrava stared at Ribombee. “Uh. Uhhh. Uhhhhhhh.”
SO ANYWAY THEY BOTH GOT HIGH AND CALLED OFF THE BATTLE

-Odemon #329 Vibrava

Odemon #793

Nihilego, it’s quite neato,
How does your power grow?
By settling down on a person’s crown,
And then flooding them with deadly neurotoxin.

-Odemon #793 Nihilego

Odemon #592

Two Frillish, pink and blue, swayed together in the ballroom of the undersea mall– er, castle. It had been a lovely night, the princess had finally met someone who wasn’t a dense bonehead–in fact, he was quite light and had not a bone in his body.
Then it was all over. With a stroke of midnight the Frillish went into a panic, said he had to go, and swam away. The princess chased after him, but he was gone, leaving nothing but a marvelous, rainbow scale.
Which was weird, because Frillish didn’t have scales.
You know, probably.
As for the blue Frillish, he swam into the dark of the sea as he shrank, his density increasing as his arms shortened back into fins and scales covered him–ugly, crusty scales.
He was a Feebas again. He’d had one wonderful night, and now it was over.
Anyway a few days later the princess went out hunting and ate the Feebas without ever finding out he was the dude she’d danced with that one night. That’s okay though because she later met a very nice pink Frillish who was honestly way better than that guy she met for one night and then flaked out of the whole thing anyway, I mean, seriously, who does that?
The end!

-Odemon #592 Frillish

Odemon #425

Jack ran forward swinging, reaching to stab his foe’s eyes out. As a Sneasel his sharp claws and sharp speed were usually enough to do lasting damage, but the damn Arbok kept swaying away. Usually one stab to the eye sent them reeling, but with every miss Aob sprayed him with a burst of Poison Stings.
“Damn bitch!” Jack shouted, ignoring the pain. He slashed at Aob’s body, but she smacked him away with the end of her tail and he got only glancing blows.
“Wrong animal, Jackie,” Aob said.
“Damnit, call me that one more time and I’ll fucking turn you into shoes,” Jack said.
“What would you do with shoes?” Aob asked. “I’m sure you don’t know anybody who loves shoes.” Jack lunged for Aob’s neck, but she lifted up into the canopy above. The end of her tail remained lunging at the Sneaesl, but Jack climbed up the tree onto a branch.
He scanned the area but Aob seemed gone. Then he saw her tail retreating.
Jack smirked. “Leaving so soon?” He leapt at Aob and landed on another branch. A flurry of Poison Stings from behind barraged Jack in the back and he shouted curses at the bounty hunter Arbok as he fell to the ground, numb and blurry from the poison. In no time the snake’s coils squeezed around him and then stiffened–Aob’s Iron Tail increased its weight until Jack’s bones were crushed in a moment, and in another moment he was dead.
Jack stood up. His whole body was stiff and he muttered a stream of curses about damn bitches and cheating fighters and–
“JACK VANDERLIN!” The dark fog around Jack parted as a Drifloon emerged. “Your time has come!”
“Who the fuck are you? Get out of my face.” Jack waved the balloon Pokemon away.
“Hey, please show the proper respect for the position,” Drifloon said. “I’m afraid you’re at the end of the road now. Living impaired, as they say. You’ve got to come with me now.” Drifloon wrapped their strings around Jack’s arm.
“Hey, get the fuck off me!” Jack swung his arm, flinging Drifloon around.
“Now, it’s no use struggling, ‘mon!” Drifloon wobbled about. “Okay, maybe it’s a little bit of use.”
“Damnit, what are you trying to pull, anyway?”
“Er, well, you,” Drifloon said. “To the underworld. You’re dead, and it’s time to go.”
Jack smirked. “No thanks.” He slashed Drifloon, and they popped.

-Odemon #425 Drifloon

Odemon #356

Dusclops, the Beckoner,
They say inside you’re hollow.
A wave of your hands,
And those that watch will follow.
So hollow, so empty,
And so I must muse.
What is it like in there?
Maybe television news.

-Odemon #356 Dusclops

New! Wandering Fortunes Chapter 20: To the Ends of Zhop

Here we are, chapter 20 of Wandering Fortunes, the longest chapter in the novel so far and the end of part 1! Alden and his friends have to flee Zhop from the Zhopian Guard. They get what family they can and make a great escape–or at least an adequate escape–well, I certainly hope it’s adequate. With the way things look, they might need a leg up–but the Zhopian Guard might even shoot that leg off! The jerks. I don’t even know if they’ll make it…

Of course, you can find out more about what will happen sooner, you can give to my Patreon or make a one-time Ko-fi donation. You’ll get to read chapters early and pretty much find out more about what I’ll be posting for the next rest of the year.

Odemon #497

Superior Serperior,
resting at the cabana.
Long and leafy green snake,
you’re definitely not a banana.
Raise a storm of leaves to blast
your foe with a leafy shower.
Then be stronger, your contrary nature
makes an increase to your power.
Wrap and Coil, okay actually that’s all I got bye.

-Odemon #497 Serperior