Character Profile: Czar Spiest

One of the more mysterious parts of the island Hackney where Nottle and Gelago City are located. On the east side of the island is an old, overgrown manor known as Spiest Manor. There live the spooky and silly spiest, white, floating balls with a single capsule-shaped eye and oversized arms. These spiest, according to the scanners on The Conqueror’s space station, are imbued with supernatural energy. Ghosts!

The spiest aren’t necessarily bad—they just enjoy pranks and spooks, but it’s usually all in good fun. They are secretive, though, and very few, if anyone outside of the spiest, knows just what the full extent of their powers are. SO LET’S RAMP UP THAT POWER TO THE MAX!

The Conqueror sends down another gene splicer to Spiest Manor and one of the spiest gets turned into a huge, hulking, monstrous, beastly… okay, so it’s really only big, giant even, but it does become able to shoot a laser out of its eye.

With its new power, this spiest declares itself to be the new czar of spiest: Czar Spiest. It plans to shift the image of the spiest from harmless, if not spooky, pranksters to truly terrifying… little white balls that are actually kind of adorable. I mean, uh, to truly terrifying ghouls of horror!

Character Profile: Terrent

Terrent is a real terror. At least, if you think bratty kids who complain if not everything goes their way (and then complain even if it does) are terrors, and who doesn’t, right?? Anyway, the second agent The Conqueror recruits is using his gene splicer, which takes a rather strange target—a kid, a child, a turtle only 8 years of age.

After being zapped by the gene splicer, Terrent gets a mean streak and technological adeptness: he finds a shard of the crystal, and then does the logical thing and starts shooting torpedoes at a harbor. He does what he wants, and he does it for fun (and sometimes nachos).

Terrent thinks of himself as cool and as better than most everyone else, is easily irritated and easily irritating, and tends to shout bad insults at people. His ability to rig up devices quickly can come in handy, but the fact he’s quick to anger and then quick to make a fuss like the universe revolves around him makes him just as annoying as he is useful.

Most of the characters we’ve seen so far have been kind of rooted in technology? Well, that’ll change next time…

Character Profile: Sawn

When The Conqueror realizes the crystal is being gathered up by inhabitants of the planet he intends to invade, he decides to show them his might—but covertly. He doesn’t want them realizing he’s there, so he begins to recruit agents from the planet below using his technology, starting with an animator.

Sawn is a buzzsaw. That’s really all there is to it. It’s a buzzsaw brought to life through nanotechnology, and now it has two big, red eyes on its side. It’s quick to anger and quick to just about everything else. Floats like a bee, stings like an angry blade of death. It relishes in destruction, whether it’s sawing through wood or living tissue.

As it was given sapience by The Conqueror, it aims to rebuild the crystal and kill whoever gets in its way. But this is only the first agent The Conqueror creates, and there are more to come…

Character Profile: The Conqueror

The main antagonist of my new novel (released today!) Slubes is an intergalactic tyrant who travels the cosmos and conquers worlds–as the name suggests. With four long tentacles and a rather small body, the vast amount of his mass comes from a giant, menacing, bulbous head that lets him tower over most anyone and glare at them with his teardrop-shaped eyes. Also, the back of his head is replaced with a glass case, so you can see his brain!

The Conqueror is a megalomaniac, sure, but he also has a high belief in his qualifications for rule. That is, he’s really smart. He’s calculating and scheming, but quick to anger. Everyone is below him—even if he has respect for someone, they’re still below him in his eyes (of course it helps that he’s taller than a lot of people).

The Conqueror is the instigator of these events; he comes to Mintop in a scouting space station to examine the planet before he launches a full invasion. In scanning the planet, he comes across a crystal with a vast amount of energy contained within. His plans to take it for himself go awry, though, but he doesn’t intend to let such a powerful artifact slip from his grasp.

My novel is out now—you can read all about The Conqueror’s plans and how the trio of slubes face them by getting it here! Before you do, though, here’s one more excerpt:

The rebels yelped; they were grabbed by The Conqueror’s long tentacles and pulled away. He held the four rebels each in one tentacle.

“You thought you could rebel against The Great Conqueror!?” shouted The Great Conqueror as he held them at eye level.

“I thought you were just ‘The Conqueror’,” a rebel said with all the cheek a creature without cheeks could muster.

“Great or not, you have made a fatal mistake,” The Conqueror told it. Every previous attempt to rebel against him had failed, and the resulting public torture… It led to a stronger grip on the planet that saw the torture. But for a spleech to try and rebel…

“So… you’re not actually great?” asked the rebel.

…and then try to mock him!? The Conqueror tightened his grip on that rebel and threatened, “I would watch what you say, for there is nothing stopping me from squeezing the life out of you.” He suspected there were more rebels and would need to interrogate these four. However, one less captive would not matter…

While this exchange was going on, one of the rebels freed its mechanical tentacle. The end of it opened and shot out a bomb. It exploded, blasting the control panel apart.

“NO!” cried The Conqueror. The computer smoked and fell silent, ceasing all activity.

The spleech began working furiously to get a status update on the crystal. “We’re losing visual on the crystal, sir!”

“Power signals decreasing!”

“They’re spreading out!”

“Crystal gem entering Mintop atmosphere!”

“Sir! It appears the crystal is breaking apart in the atmosphere!”

“What!?” The screen before them showed dots on the map of Mintop. Each dot marked where the crystal landed after breaking up. “This rather multiplies the problem, then…”

“Sorry, Conqueror,” said the cheeky rebel, “but your crystal is in another ca-” The Conqueror cut it off by tightening his grip again.

The Conqueror ordered in some guards. “Lock these rebels up. Interrogate them. Find out who else dares to go against the might of The Conqueror.” He wanted to interrogate them himself, but he now had more pressing concerns. Turning to the spleech at the computers, he said, “Find those shards! This isn’t over! I will have that crystal!”

Character Profile: Cherry

The third main character in this novel called Slubes is Cherry, a 23-year old slube. She’s the only one of the three born and raised in Nottle, yet despite being from the quietest hometown she’s the most outgoing. She has a real gusto for life and wants to get out and find excitement. Although I often refer to her as the competent one, she can be rash and doesn’t always look before she leaps. She’s confident in all areas except for her father (although, quite frankly, the same could be said for him).

For most of her life she’s been restrained by her ever-worried father, a situation that has caused tension between them. She was allowed to take karate lessons when she was younger, but for the rest of the time he’s been overprotective. In going out on this adventure, she hopes to show her father that she can take care of herself, although hopefully he doesn’t have a nervous breakdown from it.

She’s also the one to have done research on the origins of the crystal—legends of a demon ravaging the islands that Zeth believes to be nonsense. Whatever’s really going on, these three heroes are out to get to the bottom of it—but the answer really lies at the top. In three days my novel comes out, and on that day I will post an introduction to the instigator of this crisis and our protagonist.

For now, have another excerpt.

Character Profile: Professor Zeth

The second main character of Slubes is a slube 32 years old; he’s an inventor, an engineer, and a slube of science, although his status as an actual Professor is somewhat ambiguous. Hailing from a major city on an island north of Nottle, he is somewhat worldlier than the other two main characters, aside from the fact he’s kind of a scatterbrained goof-up and his competency is sometimes called into question. He’s always got a chipper attitude, though, and is a whiz at mechanics—he just doesn’t have much common sense.

In Slubes, he’s been living in Nottle in obscurity, studying the crystal at the focus of the novel. It’s he who brings the others together to rebuild it after it shatters, and it’s he who has the transportation they need to do so in a timely matter. The Transpide is a vehicle of his own design fitted with gadgets and gizmos to help them on their way—it’s just lacking some very important features like rear-view mirrors!

Excerpt after the break!

Character Profile: Numer

Hey, it’s time to formally introduce the players in this crazy novel! I’ll be making these posts every few days until I’ve gone through all the primary characters; this will actually go on past the publication date.

The main character of the novel Slubes is Numer: a slube, 23 years old (average lifespan of a slube is 80 years). A few years ago he moved to the village of Nottle for a quiet life. So much for that. He has a nervous disposition exacerbated by his own self-doubts. I guess he has a strong heart, though, since he goes on the insane escapade of Slubes in order to help his new friends. In fact, his heart probably overpowered his mind to get him to do it.

He’s introduced in the novel via a dream, because he’s sleeping. Past noon. Which is what puts him on the path to being the happenstance hero. Could anyone else have taken his place? Well, Nottle is a quiet town—there probably isn’t anyone else who could take his place, but even if they did, he probably wouldn’t let them. He’s got his reasons. His glaringly obvious reasons. (At least obvious when you read the book!)

And now an excerpt starring Numer:

Yay excerpt!