DARMENZI PREVIEW: Introduction

This is a preview of the published version of Darmenzi, which will be available soon on Smashwords.


Establishing connection . . .

Please wait . . .

Connection established.

Updating Super Cool Text Chat Write a Story in It While You’re at It Program 2.0 . . .

Connecting establishment . . .

Please wait . . .

Keep them waiting . . .

Hambing the Burglar . . .

Opening application . . .

Opening your mind . . .

Network ready.

Chicken pot pie ready.

Wally_Plotch

Duth? Are you there? Some of the things the system is saying don’t look right.

Duth_Olec

Activating headlights . . . Cheesing the text . . . Cheesing the reader . . .

*”And starting the auto-text sound detection program apparently activated by voice. Why would I make anything in here activated by voice? I never talk. Except right now. Now I need some water.”*

Duth_Olec

Welcome back. It’s the Cloudy Cuckoo Cosmos again! My name is Duth Olec, and this is a novel!

Wally_Plotch

Are you sure the system is working right?

Duth_Olec

I am your gravious host. That means I’m gravy. I mean groovy.

Wally_Plotch

It’s just that some of the start-up messages didn’t even make sense.

Duth_Olec

Wally, the dork who can’t understand what’s a joke, is the court jester– I mean stenographer.

*”Um.”*

Wally_Plotch

Okay, all right, I can take a hint. I shouldn’t be surprised, considering all the jokes you make.

Duth_Olec

The characters of this novel have no right to remain silent. Everything they say can and will be used in a court of maw.

Wally_Plotch

Don’t you mean a court of law?

Duth_Olec

Nope, court of maw. The food court.

Wally_Plotch

Oh, I see. But we don’t have a food court.

*chewing*

Duth_Olec

We do now. It’s way better than that Cosmos Court you used to work for. Maybe you can look at it sometime. Right now, we’re back to work for another tale.

Wally_Plotch

We’re off to document another story, then?

Duth_Olec

Yes! We’ve got to keep you busy, Wally, and the Cloudy Cuckoo Cosmos won’t disappoint on that front. You’re not writing testimony anymore like before; you’re telling the story as it happens.

Wally_Plotch

It’s quite a bit more exciting than my old job.

Duth_Olec

Until I showed up and doom followed.

Wally_Plotch

Er, yes, that was a bit too exciting. At least I’m not directly in the action now.

Duth_Olec

We hope.

Wally_Plotch

Hope?

Duth_Olec

Hey, readers! For those of you who haven’t read the first Cloudy Cuckoo Cosmos novel, Slubes! A Tourist’s Directory to a Slugalaxy, this might be a little confusing. I’ll give you the quick version.

*rapid clacking*

Duth_Olec

TheCloudyCuckooCosmosisauniversewherethingscanhappenandinthisworldarethreeplanetsandoneofthemiscalledMintopandonedayitwasthreatenedbyaspaceinvaderbutsomenobodiesstoppedhimandIgotitallonvideoandtheninsteadofreleasingthefootageIjusthadWallyherewriteitalldowninabidtosavethenewspaperindustrybutthenafirebrokeoutandweallfoughtadragon.

*Uh . . .*

Wally_Plotch

That’s not the quick version at all. It’d take someone far longer just to figure out where one word ends and the other begins.

Duth_Olec

It also turns out that writing without adding spaces is slower, too. You just become so used to spaces. So reliant on them.

ALFALFA

Parsing explanation . . .

Duth_Olec

See, no need to worry, our resident robot, Wally, will fix everything.

Wally_Plotch

I’m not a robot. You’re thinking of the Automation Low-Functioning As a Largely-Friendly Acquaintance.

Duth_Olec

Shh.

ALFALFA

The Cloudy Cuckoo Cosmos, a universe so like that of Earth’s, and yet so, so different. As real as the next, for a certain value of “real”. And “next”. It is a universe that sparkles with planets and suns and galaxies. Inside one of these galaxies floats a solar system with a trio of planets: Mintop, Derantu, and Zhop. On the planet Mintop resides the slube, yellow in skin, large in eye, and legless in tail. Unimportant in the large scale still, in the larger scale three slubes became important beyond the planet as they brought down a fierce intergalactic ruler, The Conqueror, destroying his space station and escaping the destruction. In the process they rebuilt a crystal shattered by The Conqueror in an attempt to take it for his own. This crystal surged with power beyond that which even The Conqueror understood. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time . . .

Duth_Olec

Yeah, that pretty much sums it up. One year later, it seemed like peace in their time. The problem with peace is it doesn’t stay long, and it never helps pay the restaurant bill.

Wally_Plotch

That metaphor doesn’t make much sense. During times of peace, isn’t progress—or, in the metaphor, the bill—much easier to do?

Duth_Olec

Hard work and things pay the bill. Chaos and strife show up and ruin the food, though. Peace leaves when this happens, no one gets any food, the check goes unpaid, and you’re stuck washing dishes for the night. I don’t know. I think it’s time we proceed with the story. Oh, but wait! I still have to explain the thought streamer to you.

Wally_Plotch

No, you don’t. You explained that last time.

Duth_Olec

But obviously you’ve forgotten how it works by now.

Wally_Plotch

No, I haven’t.

Duth_Olec

Basically the thought streamer lets you hear the thoughts of whomever you’re following so you can write what they’re thinking.

Yeah, now you haven’t, now that I reminded you. Anyway, is everything up?

Wally_Plotch

Oh, yes. Video feed is running. Sound is on. I can hear the thoughts of an increasingly nervous crustacean.

Duth_Olec

Let me aim this at our focus of the story . . . Picking anything up?

Wally_Plotch

Something about a candy cane forest?

Duth_Olec

That’s him! He’s asleep and dreaming about board games. I admit, I never quite understood why. Anyway, time to type!

Wally_Plotch

Let’s do it.


Chapter 1 preview

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