Snapped at Work: Don’t Work a Job You Hate

Let me get real with you for a moment.

I snapped at my dayjob on Sunday.

So I worked selling health insurance at a call center. People called in, I would talk to them, figure out what the best plan would be (spoilers the best plan for everyone is single payer/Medicare for all but that’s besides the point, not really), and then enroll them into it. I did not like a single part of this.

I don’t like talking on the phone. I don’t even really like verbally talking. I can go a week without talking to anyone and be fine; at this job I could have to talk to 250 people in one week. I’m no good at small talk. I’m not great at multitasking. I’m not a salesman. And I don’t like health insurance. I HATE health insurance. It’s a garbage system that results in overpriced garbage. People pay money to get mediocre insurance and that money then goes towards trying to convince other people to get mediocre insurance that will fund more advertising for… I mean, Aetna (the company that the program I was on was contracted with) gave people $10 Visa reward cards for calling and going to meetings. This is the most capitalistic garbage nonsense and I got sick from so many people calling in literally because $10 is this giant boon to them because our garbage society makes people live off garbage to survive so that a select few can own the figgin solar system. I’m getting off-topic.

So what was I doing there? I mean at the end I wasn’t even sure anymore, but how did I get into this job? I was fresh outta college and needed a job because I rashly decided college would be a good idea without considering the fact it’s only a good idea if you can either do it free or do it specifically to become massively rich at the expense of everything else, possibly including the college you went to. I went to a temp agency and got a job at this health insurance place. No real job interview, I just started. Even though I was bad at basically everything the job needed.

Anyway this has been boiling for two years starting when there was mandatory overtime because we were way too busy because the system is stupid for only letting people enroll in a small 2-month window and they don’t have enough people working because presumably no one in their right mind wants to work there?? Between the actual work and my hate for health insurance things, as I said, just kind of boiled until I finally exploded on Sunday. It wasn’t this one thing–it never is, is it?–this was just the, as they say, last straw that broke the camel’s backlog. The pot had been so close to boiling over for so long, this one thing finally overflowed it like fireworks.

Unexpectedly, this final straw was a rude caller. And honestly I can’t blame them for it, they said they’d spent an hour and a half on the phone, the worst communication system humans have ever created. Usually I could deal with rude callers, but between the stress of the Aetna program, hating health insurance more, and just generally feeling like I didn’t know what I was doing anymore, I finally snapped. I later realized it wasn’t even because she was rude, it was because I couldn’t help her well. My being there was a detriment not just to myself but to everyone I talked to. It turns out capitalism can lead to terrible results when someone gets stuck at a job they don’t like and can’t do well! If I liked the job, that would be different, but since I didn’t that could only lead to worse outcomes. If I can’t get a job I at least like, I should get one where I make, if not a net positive outcome, at least not a net negative one.

When I snapped I at least still had the awareness to mute myself but then I just went at it, screaming and throwing some stuff, I’m pretty sure I threw my headset and I know I threw my water bottle. I seriously don’t even know what I said. I might’ve said “I’m done,” “I quit,” I probably said, “I hate health insurance,” I think I might’ve swore once?? I definitely screamed. I think I threw my water bottle down, it bounced up, and then landed in a trash can–almost, but when I thought it did, I was still flippant enough to stop for a moment and remark on having made a basket. (All I know how to do is make jokes, Someone Please Hire Me To Write Jokes, Oh Gourd I Need To Get Out Of Indiana, The Land Without Jokes.)

One of my supervisors came over to calm me down, asked me if I needed to take a walk. I did. It was sprinkling outside. So was I. I swear I haven’t cried in a long, long time, but I did. I sobbed a little, even. (In retrospect I wish I’d sobbed and cried harder, even when alone I tried not to but honestly it would have been a lot more cathartic I think if I’d just bawled like crazy. I’m thinking of heading out to the lake one of these days and just screaming across it, seeing if I still have some emotions pent-up in there, because whenever I think about it I’m like “okay i would actually rather like to cry like that again please”.)

I walked to the end of the parking lot. I seem to remember thinking I laughed a little because of how long I’d held it all in, but if I’m being honest with myself there was no laughter there. When I finally went back inside my supervisor had organized my stuff for me. Let me tell you, the only thing I regret from this is that I had hoped to leave the job with some dignity intact, because the only thing I liked about the job was almost all my coworkers were nice and wonderful people. If any of you somehow read this, you’re all probably great and I’m still sorry I didn’t leave before I exploded. I really shouldn’t have come back after this year’s furlough, but I just didn’t realize how close to my breaking point I’d been at. And, you know, capitalism. I “need” a “job.” Well, I need money is what I need, but a universal basic guaranteed income is still a long ways away, it seems.

I’ve been looking for a job just about all year. In the last several months I’ve started just applying to everywhere I might be able to reasonably be hired at and do. That means no more customer rep or sales though. The fewer customers I have to talk to, the better. I do have enough money saved for a time though, and plus I have the figgin most wonderful parents ever, so things will probably be fine. Maybe this can be a turning point, my second novel should release soon (even sooner now that I’m not spending half my figgin time awake doing something I hate), maybe I can become a super success right quick. (Hahaha if only life was a book. Well sometimes it is.)

So why am I writing all this? Originally I just had the idea of a brief explanation just to sort of outline why I might suddenly have more of an online presence again and also why I might not post about single player/Medicare for all every single night (working in health insurance kind of keeps it really far in the forefront of my mind). However, there’s now another reason, and it’s why I’m also going to post this on Medium, and it’s basically this:

If you’re in a job you hate or can’t stand, and you can, leave. Like I said, my only regret is not being able to leave with some dignity. Leave before you explode out of there. If you can’t just leave (insert another rant about capitalism forcing people to work themselves into mental illness and exhaustion), keep looking for another job–don’t stop just because now you have a way to not die, thanks capitalism. Of course, I’m different, I can hardly function in normal society, I can only function on the internet society. But hey, I’m on the internet right now. And what I’ve come to realize is we’re all a lot more similar than we are different.

Anyway, it’s been three days. I should probably call the old dayjob place to confirm with them I’m not coming back.

Death of Time: Schedule Changes

My time is dying.

I return to the day job next week.

There’s a lot of stuff I’ve been regularly doing on my to-do list that I won’t have time to do anymore. Most of it will go to a vastly reduced time schedule. Aside from less social media than usual (which isn’t much to begin with), the Cloudy Cuckoo Cosmos Twitter will be placed on hold until further notice.

I will continue to upload new chapters and profiles on the same monthly basis, along with early access to them on my Patreon, which will also continue to have weekly updates for patrons, everyone please go and boost my monthly revenue from that to $800 and I won’t have to go back to this job I hate.

But yeah, I’m basically going to spend all my free time working on chapters. Which sucks because whoops Sonic Mania comes out the day after I go back. ahhhh.

The thing that will really see a drop in frequency is the Pokecomic. I’ve had a pretty steady weekly update on that. The last guaranteed Saturday update will be tomorrow. After that it might switch to a bi-weekly–er, that is, a new comic every two weeks. No guarantees on that, though.

I’m still looking for a better job though and I did apply to one I’d really like because it involves data entry which I’m good at and it’s part-time at only 20 hours a week so I’d definitely still have time to work on my many ridiculous projects. We’ll see how things go! Maybe we’ll all be dead before the year’s over and it won’t matter.

Work, Website, and Wattpad

A couple weeks or so ago I got a call from my dayjob that I’m currently on sabbatical/furlough from. I went nearly to slightly crazy at the end because I don’t do well with “normal” schedules and “holding down a steady job” or something. Of course add writing into it which is basically a second job and I don’t have much time for Things.

Anyway, the call. They were ready for me to return after just a month and a half. About maybe a week later another call set the return date for Tuesday. Monday they called and said it’s not happening. At least, I think that’s what they said, I was kind of asleep when they called, so if it’s not then I probably won’t be going back at all!

But so yeah, I spent a week or so expecting to return and then didn’t, so I got a little scuzzled. I got Slubes released and then spent the next several days not doing much in preparation for suddenly doing a lot, and then I wasn’t doing a lot. Now I’ve gotten my brain realigned and I’m doing more writing.

Actually, wait, that’s not true. I totally forgot, I spent a lot of time on Sunday editing the website. Thursday it might have been I did some editing throughout, I even updated the quotes section with a few quotes (I rarely remember to write down what I say). Then I went to town rewriting all the species pages, improving it and making it more consistent and better. By the end I was figgin exhausted. Somehow editing the website wears me out. I think it might have something to do with the fact that the site editor loads badly and acts slow and makes my computer sad? I don’t know, it’s weird.

So the last thing I wanted to mention today is Wattpad. I’ve had it mentioned one or two times and read something on there sometime ago, and I’m going to take a closer look at it soon. Early next week expect a post on what I’ll be doing. I will either skip on putting Slubes there entirely or just put the old prog version there in its entirety at once and move on to Darmenzi every week until it catches up to now. I feel that since Darmenzi is the sequel the first should be there, but the prog Slubes just has so much outdated and not-good that it almost seems counterproductive. Maybe I coul

Seriously, the WordPress post editor is like glitching out on me, it kept switching the focus from the post to the list of tags. I don’t know, I still liked the old editor better. Anyway, maybe I could just put the beginning sample of the final product of Slubes already available here on Wattpad. I’ll consider options.

Suddenly update!

I have been super busy the last couple months, but all through the busy I’ve been editing Slubes, making for double busy. The first busy is starting to wind down, though, and I’m about 80% through with this edit of Slubes, after which I do one final read-through and then boom it’s time to get cracking on putting it through the process of making it a book. This I hope to work on in January and February, so I might have an announcement come then.

Speaking of those two months, my dayjobwork will continue until at least the end of January most likely. At that point I’m going to try and actually be “furloughed” aka “we don’t have enough work for you” aka “i wanna vacation”. At that point I can try to be more active around here! Who knows what the future could bring. Chocolate-covered celery? Maybe!

Hey, guess what I forgot to do?

Next Slubes part. Only one more left. This new one features the final agent of The Conqueror, one left unmentioned on this site’s character page.

Gourd, I need to find some way to exist without having a day job. Between that and novel work… it’s not going to kill me, but I definitely suspect my brain is somehow becoming desynced with the regular flow of time.

And there’s stuff I’ve been wanting to do and I just haven’t because everything else takes everything out of me.

And I’m not even doing anything at my day job. It’s just that eight or so hours every day leaves me with SO LITTLE TIME FOR ACTUAL WORK

I guess what I’m saying is, I’m wiping out several acres of forest printing out Slubes so I can work on it at my day job, and very soon I’ll be doing that for the next book because I’m not done with Slubes but in two months I’ll start putting up Darmenzi on here. Unless I take a month off. We’ll see.

New part of Slubes and editing anew

The new part of Slubes is available now to read. In this part they actually do go to Interp, and some things explode.

In other news, I’ve gotten information back from my editor, so I can begin working on the true final version of Slubes. I also got called back to my day job last week, so I’m going to be very busy in the coming basically the rest of this year. I’ll try to keep the internet posted on how things are going, but patrons at my Patreon page always get weekly updates (unless I’m sick or in pain and forget).