“I’m sorry… there’s nothing else we can do.”
As cries rang out in the hospital room, a lamp hanging from above wobbled. It watched as the spirit left the body of the deceased human.
“Mealtime, suckers!” Lampent jumped at the spirit, unseen by the living humans. A far more forceful spirit smacked the lamp and knocked him into the wall.
“Ouch!” Lampent rubbed his head. “What? Oh, it’s you!”
“Thought I told you to stop this sordid business,” Dusknoir said.
Lampent shrugged. “Hey, lamps gotta eat, right?” He shouted and blasted a vortex of fire at Dusknoir, surrounding the private eye with a Fire Spin. “Not gonna let you get in the way of–Wait, where’d you go?” No one was in the tornado of flames.
Dusknoir emerged from the shadows behind Lampent and smacked them away with a Shadow Sneak.
“Oof. You think you’re so smart, Private Eye.” Lampent hurled Shadow Balls at Dusknoir. The private eye punched them away and grabbed the new spirit into their belly.
“It’s so unfair! You get to eat spirits!”
“I release them at the end of the journey.”
“But that’s such a waste!”
Dusknoir continued to punch Lampent’s Shadow Balls away.
“And how are you even able to know where I’m gonna strike?” Lampent shouted.
“Future Sight.” As Dusknoir said these words a Psychic blast erupted against Lampent, and Dusknoir fled in the confusion.
“Curse you, Dusknoir!” Lampent shook his arm. “Curse yoooou!” A jolt of pain shot through him. “Ow wait no I DIDN’T MEAN TO USE THE MOVE CURSE–” He fainted.
-Odemon #608 Lampent
The name’s Noir.
I’m a private eye. By which I mean, I have one eye, and it’s private. It sees things. Lots of things. Things you wouldn’t believe. Things you wouldn’t be able to see, and since seeing is believing, QED. My eye sees things in the spirit world. And it’s private about it. Anything I see, I won’t go blabbing about. I’m a private eye like that.
I’m also a private investigator. I look into things. I keep it secret. Sometimes, though, I’m also a conductor.
You see—Well, take the instance of this one dame. She was a legend at this point, a 2000 year-old legend. But she was tired of it. She was ready to move on. But she’d been waiting, waiting these 2000 years for her lost lover. It’s an old story, really. A 2000 year-old story. I’d heard it hundreds of times. It’s always the same. He went off to fight in some war and never returned. But she waited for him. Waited through death, waited for 2000 years.
I figured she’d waited long enough. I took the case.
Had to go halfway across the whole world to do it, too. But I finally got a trail. This big-shot Jellicent saw the man. Lucky her she hadn’t dragged their crew under the waves those centuries ago or I’d have had to deal with her, but she pointed me down the right path.
In the end, I found the old spirit, far from his home, far from his lived mind. By now he remembered almost nothing of his life as alive, but he’d been haunting some neck of the woods this Mismagius dame looked over. With what I knew of the spirit’s story, she was able to whip up some magic to remind that old army spirit of his old life. Once he had his memory back, I stuffed him in my gut—seriously, I’m like a taxi service here—and took him home. Once he and his old flame were back together, I led them to the spirit world. Those two kids could finally be together. And hey, fewer spirits around here to worry about.
Still, there’ll always be others. But I don’t mind.
After the ending, I make happy epilogues.
-Odemon #477 Dusknoir