April Fool’s!

I mean obviously it was April Fool’s day, I wasn’t really going to start writing horror, I’d done this before, but still, it was interesting writing in the horror genre for this story!

A bit of backstory on it: I’d originally thought of the idea of having a Slenderman-type character be elected president back when I’d watched Marble Hornets (years ago before it’d been even close to finishing) because the idea of a tall, thin, gaunt fellow in a suit just kind of… made me think of Abraham Lincoln? The honesty part reflects that. But when I started researching Slenderman I discovered that the original mythos for it suggested that Slenderman captured large groups of children, forcing towns to give them up, and I went

wait a minute

There was something in the news not too long ago about children being forcibly removed from their families, WASN’T THERE???

So it ended up having more related to current events than I’d originally planned. But when pieces fall into place I’m not gonna take them out.

Anyway, the main character is trans.

I’ve decided to change genres. A new story is enclosed.

I know it’s a bit sudden, but I’ve grown weary of the humor. I think it’s time for a change. I know it’s the middle of a story, but I’ve written a new one for this, as I am going to start writing horror stories now. Also, maybe political ones, I’m not sure yet. Let me know what you think.

A brief…ish metaphor for the USA times

Say you enter a cafe for lunch. Not a café, of course, because it’s hard to add those little symbols to letters while typing and the French suck–this is America, gaddfern it–in fact, we just start pronouncing cafe “cayff”. So anyway, you enter a cayff and want something to food.

How about a salad? Well, you’ve heard some weird stuff about it, some people say the lettuce wasn’t protected against disease and the tomatoes are mushy, but you checked and the lettuce was protected against disease although questions were brought up over the–I’m gonna say some kind of spray that protected it against disease? I don’t know can you imagine injecting lettuce with a needle? I looked it up and apparently a needle was found in some Romanian lettuce but I mean ha ha where even is Romania? Is it in Rome? I also found this which is adorable.

bunny

Also you checked and the tomatoes are mushy but, still, overall very healthy, very nice. I actually don’t like salads but I assume most people find them edible!

It turns out this cayff only serves one thing at a time, and it only changes every four years (usually). What it serves is decided upon by all the customers who happen to be there at the time. Whichever side is loudest most populous is what is served for those four years. Everyone seems to be focusing on two dishes though, neither of which is the salad. You ask a waiter about it, and they shrug. You ask a few more waiters, and then finally you ask someone who has eaten at the cayff before and they explain that the salad is available down in the basement past a rickety set of stairs, through a flooded passageway, over a wobbly wooden rope bridge over a chasm, and through a Roman gladiator coliseum. They put it there, and nobody ever took the salad, and so they left it there.

You manage to see it using some binoculars or something, and yep, it would be really hard to notice unless you go around asking and looking. No wonder no one goes for it.

You also notice a plate of butter-fried butter covered in nickels with a side of no health care.

Okay, you go back upstairs. What’s the two dishes everyone else is looking at? Well, one of them is an orange Skittle. A giant orange Skittle. That’s poisoned.

why are we eating here again

Okay, okay, okay, what about the other one? Hey, it’s a steak! That’s pretty good, right? It has a side of white bread sogged up with grease and a big hole cut in the center so it’s mostly just the crust, but maybe you won’t have to eat that. Maybe you can just eat the steak.

Although… now that you are remembering, your friend ate here a little while ago for breakfast. They had two steaks available, but one included a fruit salad, though there were some hard bits in the steak. The other steak–the one that is now available for lunch–was actually made of rat meat. Or pigeon meat, or whatever you want to say. Now, they’re saying this lunch steak is not made of that stuff. It is 100% grade-A beef, and it even offers some of the fruit from the fruit salad.

You don’t see the fruit salad, though (they say it’s coming), and you can’t be sure they’re telling the truth about the content of the steak. Sure, your friend could have been lying, but why would they lie, and also, I only said it was a friend because I thought this story might be inconsistent if you’d eaten here before. The breakfast metaphor doesn’t even work all that well. Also, some of the steak’s friends showed up and are dropping hints that the steak would go ahead with the TPP anydangway.

Let’s take a brief moment to reiterate the orange Skittle was poison. Also I can’t actually tell if Skittle is the singular form or if it really is just Skittles overall. Also Skittles is starting to look really weird. Oh yeah and by the way orange is my least favorite Skittle flavor. Actually I don’t like orange-flavored most things. Yet they always seem so common.

What was I talking about? Oh, right, the steak.

So maybe the steak is cool now? Maybe it won’t be rotten and stuffed with money? Maybe it won’t be soaked in oil and cooked in coal?

To push this metaphor unnecessarily further, everyone is divided into tables and each table’s vote is homogeneous, the plurality vote of the table is considered the general vote. You get dumped at a table full of people who don’t think that Skittle is poisonous. You might as well drum up awareness of the salad. The more people who know, the closer we can get to having more choices.

The steak may turn out fine. It may turn out figgin excellent. And the salad could even turn out mediocre. But the range of possibilities seems more positive for the salad.

THIS METAPHOR STOPPED BEING BRIEF HALF AN HOUR AGO I APOLOGIZE

Political “I told you so”

The US presidential race this year features number of key players: Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Jill Stein, Donald Trump, and some guy, Larry Jonathan I think? Clinton got the Democrat’s nominee. Sanders supports were sad. Stein supporters expected it.  Trump supporters… I don’t even know.

Let’s say Trump wins this November and becomes president. Clinton supporters will look at the Sanders supporters who didn’t then bend over for Hillary and say “I told you so.” Sanders supporters will look at the Clinton supporters and say, citing the idea that Sanders was a stronger opponent against Trump, “I told you so.” Who will be right?

Um, well, Donald Trump will be right, because he’s on the Republican side. But who will be left? Well, not the people who will go live in some other country. But who will be wrong? EVERYBODY.

Though I’ve read that more Sanders supporters have gone to Clinton than Clinton supporters did for Obama in 2008 anyway, which is kind of hilarious? I didn’t follow the 2008 election too closely because I was still young, what were their main policy differences? Although I’m not even sure that mattered.

Political Oligopoly yaaay

So there’s this: Wall Street donors seek to block Warren VP pick (via Politico). Basically Wall Street people saying they’ll stop donating to Hillary Clinton if she chooses Senator Elizabeth Warren as her vice president running mate.

I’m not entirely keen on the idea of Warren as a VP actually (she can probably do more good in the Senate), but based on this having her as Clinton’s VP might actually get me to vote for Clinton! Hey, if money is speech, so is no money.

After I thought of this I imagined a theoretical conversation where someone asks if that means I might not vote for Clinton to stop Trump. My answer was yes, because voting for the sake of not-the-other removes all possible leverage from my vote. It means money is more of speech than voting is.

Then I realized that the two-party system is an oligopoly. Obviously not a monopoly because there are two parties, but it’s one party away from a monopoly, and if you don’t like one of the two, you’re out of luck. A quote from the Politico article:

But more moderate Democrats in the financial services industry argue that Sanders voters will come on board anyway

Oligopolyyyyyyyy

Image says, well, most of it

20160503_135935

The rest of the message is “for Bernie Sanders to be the Democratic Party’s nominee.”

It wasn’t actually crowded at all, which I hope means that everyone headed early in the morning to vote, and NOT that they’ll all have to head in the last hour or half hour in a giant mass of people, or that just no one cared.