New character profile for Chillone

For the first time in about a year a new character profile is on the website–Chillone, the ruthless snowble in power in New Zhopolis. They’ve just made their first appearance in the most recent chapter, and they’re a big meany jerk. Well, a small meany jerk.

In other news, my Patreon has updated–goals are no longer based on money but on how many patrons I have. The first goal is just ten–I’m already 20% there!–but an excellent goal to reach is 100, where I start a comic series (drawn by good artists who aren’t me!) where you get to email characters and then they’re all confused because who the fig is emailing them asking about their personal life, well better answer the question, but not replying to it via email, no, let’s just speak the response out loud as if the sender is right there.

I promise it’ll be better than that made it sound.

Bad Rep[resentative]

A little while ago our US Congress worked on a bill designed to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act, although because it wasn’t Single-Payer, it was worthless. In fact, it was less than worthless: it was bad. They called the American Health America* Care American* Actamerica*, although the Rich Tax Cut No Health Care Not Act would be more accurate. People gave it other names like Trumpcare, Ryancare, Republicare, Republican’t. Well, Rebublicouldn’t, and the bill didn’t pass. Hooray!

Before it didn’t pass, though, I emailed my reps coming out against it. (Technically I emailed them through an activism website or whatever, but same thing.) And I got a response. Now, this is Indiana, aka Wannabe South, aka India, NA. Even our Democrats are… er… Well, anyway, I got a response from rep Trey Hollingsworth. I don’t know what hollings is but it sounds a bit like hollerings, so I don’t actually have a joke here.

Let’s move on.

Creator Highlight: Amanda Rosenberg

In this last highlight post until I am again able to remove myself from capitalism for a while, let’s look at another funny person I found on Medium, Amanda Rosenberg. She writes funny stuff and is an editor at some group thing-or-other on Medium, I don’t know how it works, it just has a name, actually, maybe it’s the banner that’s important, which would make sense since it went with the ugliest color they could find, come on, that’s not not nearly the ugliest color. Not nearly gray enough.

She has also written some pieces on depression. I’m here to talk about the funny bits.

Amanda has actually written quite a few pieces of mock company email strings such as from CEOs. I um. I assume they’re mock ups. I assume I’m using that word right. I assume these aren’t real emails. Here’s “Emails From A CEO Who Just Has A Few Changes To The Website“, with infinite scrolling and this amazing section:

What if the homepage was just a picture of a white wall? Think about it. People will be like “Where am I? What’s happening?” and isn’t that the whole point of having a site?

There’s also “Emails From A CEO Who Just Had A Great Branding Idea“, featuring a website covered in human skin. How’s that for the ugliest color to be found?

Next there’s this piece about Apple removing the headphone jack. I have never used an Apple product. I can only assume this is accurate! There are also these amazing “Motivational Startup Taglines” such as “BUILD THE PAST, IN THE PRESENT, WITH FUTURE MONEY,” and “EMPOWER, OVERPOWER, CAULIFLOWER.” Though I prefer eggplant. After all, there is no “can’t” in “eggplant”.

Um. Let’s move on.

Last one, and definitely the most powerful of the bunch, is “My Thoughts On The Brexit Vote“, and if you read this, Amanda, I am in no way trying to downgrade your other stuff in favor of what does appear to be random keyboard mashings! (Because of course I am certain every single letter in that piece was chosen with precision and dexterity? Dexterity is a thing people use to choose letters, I am pretty sure.)

Anyway, that’s some highlights for the sharp-witted Amanda Rosenberg. I’m out for…

Wait, you know what? No. One more thing.

I Replaced The Word ‘Millennials’ With ‘43-Year-Old White Men’ And Now These Headlines Are *Italian Chef Kissing Fingers Gesture*

It’s a pretty simple piece that just changes one term, but, here’s the thing. Apparently there was a little hubbub about a week ago about an editor-in-chief on the news site Mother Jones tweeting about hating millennials because they won’t vote for Hillary Clinton (or something–the tweet has since been deleted).

“43-Year-Old White Men Just Aren’t That Into Hillary Clinton, and it Could Cost Her the Election”

Mrlneh? I think maybe headlines related to Trump are even better. “Can Donald Trump win over 43-Year-Old White Men?” Although just about anything related to the election seems to work pretty well. Unrelated to the election but:

“Will the Left Survive the 43-Year-Old White Men?”

Actually you know the original piece I didn’t find too funny, but apparently when the idea is applied to actual series-sounding titles with possible ramifications on the real world and not just weird faddish articles I find it funny! Look I may be editorializing a little here but I’m pretty sure what we can learn from this is that I’m terrible.

Amanda Rosenberg! Check her out! Her writing, I mean.