This Just In! Totally Real! SCIENCE ANNOUNCES TEMPERATURE CHANGE!

Science (the discipline, not the academic journal) just announced today of the start of DST, Daylight Savings Temperature. Starting yesterday, everyone is to move their thermometers down ten degrees. This has the effect of dispelling the excess heat on the planet and making the summer months cooler. Science confirms that this has ended global warming and that the planet is no longer heating up.

In other news, my schedule at work is unchanged from last week–it was not affected by the clocks, even though it appears to have been. Therefore I did not lose an hour of sleep/the weekend. Jealous?