Message for Immigrants…

Why would any of you even want to come to the USA? I mean, look, I can certainly understand there may be some problems in your home country that you may want to escape from, but to this country? Where there are other problems, ranting and punching assholes, and the possibility of an evil spirit of Halloween becoming the leader?? I’m sure there are a lot of countries you could move to that aren’t on the road to a collapsed bridge.

Aside from that, English is an awful language. It’s pretty terrible. It’s mostly just nonsensical, and we can’t even agree on a proper neuter-gender pronoun.

I mean, when I look at all the main-English-speaking countries, I think, wow, are all the English countries just terrible or something??

Oh, except Scotland. You guys still seem cool. Scotland kind of completely voted to remain in the European Union, so maybe they’re having second thoughts about that whole “hey, maybe we should stick around with England”. Also I haven’t heard much about Ireland lately, I dunno how they’re doing, maybe I shouldn’t just assume the worst about all English countries? M…Maybe I’m going to anyway?

Anyway, come to the US if you really want, but 240 years ago we left England, and now England has left the EU, so don’t be surprised if we refuse to be one-upped and vote to leave the United Nations
or something.

Image says, well, most of it

20160503_135935

The rest of the message is “for Bernie Sanders to be the Democratic Party’s nominee.”

It wasn’t actually crowded at all, which I hope means that everyone headed early in the morning to vote, and NOT that they’ll all have to head in the last hour or half hour in a giant mass of people, or that just no one cared.

Health Cake System

Let’s say you have a cake. Let’s say you have the Greatest Cake in the World. Now let’s say that cake is covered in rotten maggots. You must get through the rotten maggots to get to the cake. Maybe you can pay the rotten maggots to bring you the cake? Maybe some want to actually train the maggots and dress them in tiny waiter suits and make them carry tiny plates around? Maybe they’re still maggots?

Some people have pretty good cakes. Maybe not the best, but it’s good. You can have as much as you want, too; just pay the entrance fee. Maybe that maggot cake has an entrance fee, but you’re actually paying for people later on, those people have to pay the maggots anyway, and there are people outside ranting about how the bakery is going to be demolished any day and the only way to prevent it is to give the maggots complete control of the cake.

On one hand, I just now realized I’m basically calling insurance companies maggots and feel I should apologize, but on the other hand, I really don’t think I want to.

Anyway, let’s say you have Greatest Cake etc. but without maggots, but it’s on top of a mountain. Sure, you could buy a helicopter to fly up there and get it, but what if  all you can afford to help you climb is a rusty shovel covered in blood and a big maggot that failed its driving test? What if someone says they’ll pay for those tools, though? What if someone says they’ll buy you a whole helicopter? Oh. The maggot is flying the helicopter. Well, shoot.

Anyway, it turns out the entire time the cake was a fake and was actually a craps table in a casino, and you can bet money on how much cake you get. Then it turns out you spent a lot of money and got a lot of cake but you’re not even hungry now. The person next to you had no money to bet and is really hungry. And then the metaphor breaks down because, I mean, the cake-winner could just give some cake to the hungry person, right? Because we as humans would ever do such a thing?? I mean the cake goes bad at the end of the year so you have to bet again for some and everyone has to do it at the same time in a short period so it’s UTTER CHAOS

Dear the U.S., aka where I live: can you eliminate the middleman on health care please. I work for one, and I won’t mind!