Snapped at Work: Don’t Work a Job You Hate

Let me get real with you for a moment.

I snapped at my dayjob on Sunday.

So I worked selling health insurance at a call center. People called in, I would talk to them, figure out what the best plan would be (spoilers the best plan for everyone is single payer/Medicare for all but that’s besides the point, not really), and then enroll them into it. I did not like a single part of this.

I don’t like talking on the phone. I don’t even really like verbally talking. I can go a week without talking to anyone and be fine; at this job I could have to talk to 250 people in one week. I’m no good at small talk. I’m not great at multitasking. I’m not a salesman. And I don’t like health insurance. I HATE health insurance. It’s a garbage system that results in overpriced garbage. People pay money to get mediocre insurance and that money then goes towards trying to convince other people to get mediocre insurance that will fund more advertising for… I mean, Aetna (the company that the program I was on was contracted with) gave people $10 Visa reward cards for calling and going to meetings. This is the most capitalistic garbage nonsense and I got sick from so many people calling in literally because $10 is this giant boon to them because our garbage society makes people live off garbage to survive so that a select few can own the figgin solar system. I’m getting off-topic.

So what was I doing there? I mean at the end I wasn’t even sure anymore, but how did I get into this job? I was fresh outta college and needed a job because I rashly decided college would be a good idea without considering the fact it’s only a good idea if you can either do it free or do it specifically to become massively rich at the expense of everything else, possibly including the college you went to. I went to a temp agency and got a job at this health insurance place. No real job interview, I just started. Even though I was bad at basically everything the job needed.

Anyway this has been boiling for two years starting when there was mandatory overtime because we were way too busy because the system is stupid for only letting people enroll in a small 2-month window and they don’t have enough people working because presumably no one in their right mind wants to work there?? Between the actual work and my hate for health insurance things, as I said, just kind of boiled until I finally exploded on Sunday. It wasn’t this one thing–it never is, is it?–this was just the, as they say, last straw that broke the camel’s backlog. The pot had been so close to boiling over for so long, this one thing finally overflowed it like fireworks.

Unexpectedly, this final straw was a rude caller. And honestly I can’t blame them for it, they said they’d spent an hour and a half on the phone, the worst communication system humans have ever created. Usually I could deal with rude callers, but between the stress of the Aetna program, hating health insurance more, and just generally feeling like I didn’t know what I was doing anymore, I finally snapped. I later realized it wasn’t even because she was rude, it was because I couldn’t help her well. My being there was a detriment not just to myself but to everyone I talked to. It turns out capitalism can lead to terrible results when someone gets stuck at a job they don’t like and can’t do well! If I liked the job, that would be different, but since I didn’t that could only lead to worse outcomes. If I can’t get a job I at least like, I should get one where I make, if not a net positive outcome, at least not a net negative one.

When I snapped I at least still had the awareness to mute myself but then I just went at it, screaming and throwing some stuff, I’m pretty sure I threw my headset and I know I threw my water bottle. I seriously don’t even know what I said. I might’ve said “I’m done,” “I quit,” I probably said, “I hate health insurance,” I think I might’ve swore once?? I definitely screamed. I think I threw my water bottle down, it bounced up, and then landed in a trash can–almost, but when I thought it did, I was still flippant enough to stop for a moment and remark on having made a basket. (All I know how to do is make jokes, Someone Please Hire Me To Write Jokes, Oh Gourd I Need To Get Out Of Indiana, The Land Without Jokes.)

One of my supervisors came over to calm me down, asked me if I needed to take a walk. I did. It was sprinkling outside. So was I. I swear I haven’t cried in a long, long time, but I did. I sobbed a little, even. (In retrospect I wish I’d sobbed and cried harder, even when alone I tried not to but honestly it would have been a lot more cathartic I think if I’d just bawled like crazy. I’m thinking of heading out to the lake one of these days and just screaming across it, seeing if I still have some emotions pent-up in there, because whenever I think about it I’m like “okay i would actually rather like to cry like that again please”.)

I walked to the end of the parking lot. I seem to remember thinking I laughed a little because of how long I’d held it all in, but if I’m being honest with myself there was no laughter there. When I finally went back inside my supervisor had organized my stuff for me. Let me tell you, the only thing I regret from this is that I had hoped to leave the job with some dignity intact, because the only thing I liked about the job was almost all my coworkers were nice and wonderful people. If any of you somehow read this, you’re all probably great and I’m still sorry I didn’t leave before I exploded. I really shouldn’t have come back after this year’s furlough, but I just didn’t realize how close to my breaking point I’d been at. And, you know, capitalism. I “need” a “job.” Well, I need money is what I need, but a universal basic guaranteed income is still a long ways away, it seems.

I’ve been looking for a job just about all year. In the last several months I’ve started just applying to everywhere I might be able to reasonably be hired at and do. That means no more customer rep or sales though. The fewer customers I have to talk to, the better. I do have enough money saved for a time though, and plus I have the figgin most wonderful parents ever, so things will probably be fine. Maybe this can be a turning point, my second novel should release soon (even sooner now that I’m not spending half my figgin time awake doing something I hate), maybe I can become a super success right quick. (Hahaha if only life was a book. Well sometimes it is.)

So why am I writing all this? Originally I just had the idea of a brief explanation just to sort of outline why I might suddenly have more of an online presence again and also why I might not post about single player/Medicare for all every single night (working in health insurance kind of keeps it really far in the forefront of my mind). However, there’s now another reason, and it’s why I’m also going to post this on Medium, and it’s basically this:

If you’re in a job you hate or can’t stand, and you can, leave. Like I said, my only regret is not being able to leave with some dignity. Leave before you explode out of there. If you can’t just leave (insert another rant about capitalism forcing people to work themselves into mental illness and exhaustion), keep looking for another job–don’t stop just because now you have a way to not die, thanks capitalism. Of course, I’m different, I can hardly function in normal society, I can only function on the internet society. But hey, I’m on the internet right now. And what I’ve come to realize is we’re all a lot more similar than we are different.

Anyway, it’s been three days. I should probably call the old dayjob place to confirm with them I’m not coming back.

New Wandering Fortunes chapter is up! Chapter 8: Employment Inefficiency

Chapter 8 of Wandering Fortunes is now up! Our protagonists are off to try and find jobs. It doesn’t go so well. It seems New Zhopolis doesn’t have any job offerings for a beach ball, a wrallot, and a bookworm. Or does it??

Chapters are released early on my Patreon, where pledging just $3 a month will not only get you chapters half a month before everyone else but also new profiles. I’m gonna be putting up the next one today. You also get previews of other stuff–a weekly update where I post a quick excerpt of whatever I worked on in the past week. It’s good content!

Now up, Wandering Fortunes chapter 7: The Obsidian City

Chapter 7 of Wandering Fortunes is now up. The Obsidian City, New Zhopolis, finally appears! Big city! Tall buildings! Dim lights!  Innumerable residents! Numerable but still a pretty high number of species! Subways, districts, roads, vehicles, orators, scam artists, grumps, racism, and jerks, jerks, jerks!

Wait, somewhere along the line that took a turn for the worse. Will the big city turn out to be all that it promises to be? Or will it turn out to be more than that and it turned out we just didn’t hear its promises right the first time?

As always, I post these chapters early for $3+ patrons on Patreon, so this chapter has been available for a couple weeks now and patrons will be able to see more of Alden and his friends’ adventures in The Big City in just a couple weeks. Even if you give just one dollar though you still get to see things early, as I post weekly updates that include a snippet of work much further ahead. You can take a look at a bit of chapter ten already!

Wandering Fortunes Chapter 4, Off the Walls

Chapter 4 of Wandering Fortunes is here, a little late. Now that Top lives with Alden and his family, it’s time for them to adjust. Or maybe not. Aside from more Top silliness we get to see the inside of Orville’s shack and get to know Alden’s family a bit more. Plus this features the first of a few scenes featuring a huge amount of food!

As always there is Patreon, funds from which would help me not kill myself trying to get everything done ASAP so I’ll complete everything before I have to go back to a dayjob I want to kill. Also I need to update that a bit, I wanted to make some changes. Thanks for reminding me, me. Let me add that to the to-do list. SPEAKING OF WHICH:

EVERYTHING AFTER THIS IS UPDATE ON ME

Bit of an update, lots of work

Oof, this week has been super busy. After reading through the next novel, Wandering Fortunes, to figure out what scenes I need to add and major changes, I went through and MADE those changes. There’s a lot. Fortunately I’m about done, and I just checked and the last group of chapters has a massive amount of big editing and scenes to add and oh gourd I’m gonna die tomorrow. I might have to push back my goal of finishing this tomorrow.

Everything but this paragraph I wrote like yesterday I think? Basically I just right now finished writing a new scene/big extension of a scene, and the next chapter begins with another new scene/extension of a scene. Besides a little beyond that, I’ve basically pushed my goal to finishing this on Wednesday. That means that things will be calmer for me next week, at least. Other things I want to do next week include editing the website a bit, and since I got my second replacement microphone recently I have some changes to the Patreon planned (with a new front page video) and I also want to get back to doing some Let’s Playing, I started doing it again like two months ago and then my microphone died. Now for more stuff I wrote like yesterday or something:

Due to this work, I’ve not been too active on the social medias. Fortunately once I do get this done things will calm down–I have a few widespread edits, but they’re focused mostly on specific words or punctuation, and then I’ll start focusing deeply on a chapter-by-chapter basis, which will allow me to slow down and give myself more time.

Work, Website, and Wattpad

A couple weeks or so ago I got a call from my dayjob that I’m currently on sabbatical/furlough from. I went nearly to slightly crazy at the end because I don’t do well with “normal” schedules and “holding down a steady job” or something. Of course add writing into it which is basically a second job and I don’t have much time for Things.

Anyway, the call. They were ready for me to return after just a month and a half. About maybe a week later another call set the return date for Tuesday. Monday they called and said it’s not happening. At least, I think that’s what they said, I was kind of asleep when they called, so if it’s not then I probably won’t be going back at all!

But so yeah, I spent a week or so expecting to return and then didn’t, so I got a little scuzzled. I got Slubes released and then spent the next several days not doing much in preparation for suddenly doing a lot, and then I wasn’t doing a lot. Now I’ve gotten my brain realigned and I’m doing more writing.

Actually, wait, that’s not true. I totally forgot, I spent a lot of time on Sunday editing the website. Thursday it might have been I did some editing throughout, I even updated the quotes section with a few quotes (I rarely remember to write down what I say). Then I went to town rewriting all the species pages, improving it and making it more consistent and better. By the end I was figgin exhausted. Somehow editing the website wears me out. I think it might have something to do with the fact that the site editor loads badly and acts slow and makes my computer sad? I don’t know, it’s weird.

So the last thing I wanted to mention today is Wattpad. I’ve had it mentioned one or two times and read something on there sometime ago, and I’m going to take a closer look at it soon. Early next week expect a post on what I’ll be doing. I will either skip on putting Slubes there entirely or just put the old prog version there in its entirety at once and move on to Darmenzi every week until it catches up to now. I feel that since Darmenzi is the sequel the first should be there, but the prog Slubes just has so much outdated and not-good that it almost seems counterproductive. Maybe I coul

Seriously, the WordPress post editor is like glitching out on me, it kept switching the focus from the post to the list of tags. I don’t know, I still liked the old editor better. Anyway, maybe I could just put the beginning sample of the final product of Slubes already available here on Wattpad. I’ll consider options.

Suddenly update!

I have been super busy the last couple months, but all through the busy I’ve been editing Slubes, making for double busy. The first busy is starting to wind down, though, and I’m about 80% through with this edit of Slubes, after which I do one final read-through and then boom it’s time to get cracking on putting it through the process of making it a book. This I hope to work on in January and February, so I might have an announcement come then.

Speaking of those two months, my dayjobwork will continue until at least the end of January most likely. At that point I’m going to try and actually be “furloughed” aka “we don’t have enough work for you” aka “i wanna vacation”. At that point I can try to be more active around here! Who knows what the future could bring. Chocolate-covered celery? Maybe!

New part of Slubes and editing anew

The new part of Slubes is available now to read. In this part they actually do go to Interp, and some things explode.

In other news, I’ve gotten information back from my editor, so I can begin working on the true final version of Slubes. I also got called back to my day job last week, so I’m going to be very busy in the coming basically the rest of this year. I’ll try to keep the internet posted on how things are going, but patrons at my Patreon page always get weekly updates (unless I’m sick or in pain and forget).