Odemon #296

Jon Pokemon Arbuckle, or whatever I’m calling him in this one, walked to his cat Persian. “Persian! Wake up. I have a surprise for you.”
Persian stretched and yawned. “It had better be edible.”
“Now, I’ve noticed you’ve been a little out of shape lately,” Jon said.
“I’ve been in shape, it’s the shape I’m always in,” Persian said.
“So I’ve hired your own personal trainer!”
Persian looked out of bed, eyes wide. “It’s not a Pokemon Trainer, is it?”
“Uh, a fitness trainer, I mean.”
Persian jumped out of bed. “That’s even worse!” He ran away.
“Persian! Wait!” Jon ran after him.
Persian ran through the house. “Yeah, I know I’m running to avoid exercise, but it’s gotta be better than whatever a fitness trainer would put me through.” He crashed into something softer and blubbier than even himself.
“Persian!” Jon skidded to a stop. “Are you okay?” He pulled one blob off another. “Oh, I see you’ve met your new trainer.”
Persian looked at the trainer. “You’re a fitness trainer?”
“You bet, name’s Makuhita,” he said, shaking Persian’s paw. “Training people and Pokemon into shape’s what I do.
“No offense, but you’re as big as I am.”
Jon walked off. “Well, I’ll let you two get to it.”
“Are you ready to get started on my three-step program?” Makuhita asked, leading Persian into the other room.
“I’m ready to get started on returning to my naps,” Persian said, but his eyes nearly popped out of his face at the sight in the next room, a table almost buckling under a pile of food.
“Step one, eat lots of food! You need a lot of food for a lot of energy, so let’s chow down!”
“You don’t have to tell me twice!” Pesrian jumped onto the table and gobbled up the food, Makuhita joining him. Soon the table was empty and the two were more bloated than usual.
“All right, step two of my three-step program is to get lots of sleep! You have to be rested to get fit!”
“I like these steps so far,” Persian said, and he immediately snored away.
Makuhita looked at Persian. “Wow, he falls asleep faster than a Snorlax.” No, that was the first Garfield joke we did. He’s a Persian now.
Persian dreamed long dreams where he also slept. In the dream sleep he dreamed of eating a never-ending sandwich. All this shattered with a loud clapping, and Persian screamed awake.
“All right, up and at ’em, it’s time for step three!” Makuhita said. “It’s time for some rigorous training!”
Persian groaned and turned over. “I think I’ll skip that step.”
“Come on, let’s go!” Makuhita dragged Persian outside by the tail. Persian gripped the floor with his claws but Makuhita pulled like he was a Caterpie.
“I need to go back and do the first two steps again,” Persian complained. Makuhita dropped him in front of a tree.
“Now, the style of training I usually do is to find a sturdy tree and hit it as as hard as you can repeatedly, like this.” Makuhita proceeded to smack the tree multiple times. “All right, give it a tree.” He looked around–Persian was gone. “Where’d you go?” He looked up. Persian lay in the tree.
“At least he can’t get me up here,” Persian said. The tree shook. He looked down at Makuhita.
“Good initiative, but not quite right,” Makuhita said. “Don’t worry, though, I’ll get you down!” Makuhita slapped the tree until the trunk broke and it crashed to the ground, Persian in it.
The big cat Pokemon wobbly emerged from the fallen tree branches, scraped and bruised. “I’ve gotta get rid of this trainer guy. And I think I know how to do it.”
Persian ran inside and got on the computer. He opened up a chat. “Need help, come over ASAP.” “Yes, I know it’s far from Abu Dhabi to here, but it’s an emergency!” “Thanks, I owe you one.” Persian hid until the next day then headed out, a new palm tree in the yard.
“There you are!” Makuhita said. “Are you ready to continue the training?”
“Oh, sure,” Persian said with a smile. “I think I need to see how it’s done again.”
“Not a problem!” Makuhita slapped the palm tree heavily.
“What?” Makuhita and Persian looked up. The palm tree bent down and all its coconut heads stared at Makuhita. “Oh, uh, sorry, I didn’t know you were–”
Exeggutor smacked Makuhita with its top and flung the fitness trainer far away.
“Thanks,” Persian said, waving to Exeggutor. “And say hi to Purrloin for me when you get back.”

-Odemon #296 Makuhita

Odemon #54

Daffy Psyduck
Normally irratable due to headaches, also greedy and jealous. When his headaches get really bad, however, a curious psychic power develops that turns him wild and zany like a screwball cartoon character.

-Odemon #54 Psyduck

Odemon #246

Eating dirt
Eating dirt
Eat all the dirt, you can’t divert
Eating dirt
Eating dirt
Then eat dirt for your dessert
Eating dirt
Eating dirt
Getting so hard, you must exert
But you gotta eat dirt
Then eat some dirt
Eat more dirt, you can’t avert
‘Cause before you see your parents you gotta eat dirt

-Odemon #246 Larvitar

Odemon #670

Floette led Timburr to the flower patch. “Here’s my garden, full of flowers! You may have a big log, but these flowers come in all sorts of fighting styles.”
“You have a lot of them, yeah,” Timburr said. “How do you even fight with all of them? I mean, no offense, but they kind of just seem like flowers.”
“They all have different abilities,” Floette said. “Like this old one, it’s one of my favorites.” She picked a tulip.
“What’s it do?” Timburr asked. She peered closer. “And why’s it have eyes?”
“Well, you just squeeze here,” Floette said, “and–” The Fire Flower burst out a flame over Timburr, charring her. “Oops! I’m sorry!” Timburr’s log fell to ashes. “Sorry, sorry!”

-Odemon #670 Floette

Odemon #570

The children played in the park as their parents watched from a bench.
“Your child is so quiet and well-behaved,” one parent said. “How do you do it?”
“Oh, it’s easy,” another parent said. “She got replaced by a Zorua like a month ago.”
“What?” It was then they realized the child had a short, furry tail.

-Odemon #570 Zorua

Odemon #729

The place? Bob-omb Battlefield.
The time? The great Bob-omb war.
Supplies were running low. The Big Bob-omb seemed to have an infinite number of cannonballs, while we have run out. Subsequently we have been forced to fight with unconventional ammunition.
“I’m so excited! This will be so great!” Brionne clapped their flippers together. “These water balloons will look so spectacular exploding in the sky!”
“Yes,” said the Bob-omb Buddy. “In the sky…”

-Odemon #729 Brionne

Odemon #98


-Odemon #98 Krabby

Odemon #318

La la la
A social savage fish
La la la
Your fins probably go swish
La la la
You’re timid when all alone
La la la
Then figgin destroy a boat when you’re in a pack
La la la
The joke is this is the same format as Ledyba
La la la
You have no feet

-Odemon #318 Carvanha

Odemon #645

Our tale begins long ago
Back in the ancient world,
Where simple lives of complex folk
Saw our story unfurled.
The people farmed to yield their crops
And bring bounty to the harvest,
But then an event transpired that
Would put them to a far test.
First the rains began to fall
A good thing in average amounts,
But far too much began to fall
Until it overflowed the founts.
The winds came next, blowing fierce
And causing everyone turmoil,
The gusts knocked free anything not secure
And blew away all the soil.
The final nail, conductive to
The final form of disaster,
Lightning bolts struck the city
Turning all to ash much faster.
Winds and rain and lightning bolts
Caused the populace to moan,
For here were the Pokemon of their doom,
One Bolt Strike, the other Cyclone.
Thundurus and Tornadus
Caused damage as they flew,
All the while shouting out
They laughed and flew and caused much damage
Either unaware or uncaring,
As through the city they did go
Causing much splitting and tearing.
Then out of nowhere two muscly arms
Grabbed the stormy two,
And knocked their heads together
As came a shout: “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?”
Landorus railed at them
For all the problems they made,
He beat them up and sent them away
And no longer were the people afraid.
Landorus rejuvinated
The land once more to life,
Abundant once more, the people gave thanks
To Landorus for ending their strife.
“NO PROB,” Landorus said, and left.

-Odemon #645 Landorus

Odemon #794

Red shoved against a truck. It wouldn’t budge! Seriously, when he’d heard there was some abandoned truck at the shore near the SS Anne he employed so many shenaginags to reach it, but not even his Machamp could move it!
Buzzwole appeared and punched the truck fifty thousand feet away. They flexed, and Mew was so enamored with their muscles that they left together to get married.
Wait, what?

-Odemon #794 Buzzwole